Sometimes an image gets you to feel something. By association, by memory. Sometimes you take it because you know it will mean something. And then you stumble upon it again and it feels right. I guess I use this page to talk about my love for photos and what they mean to me in general. I made it clear hat I like to talk about what goes on, to explain my feelings, to explain why I choose a particular picture on a particular day.

I haven’t been active.

It has to do a lot with how I have been feeling.

I don’t feel the appeal right know.

Depressive states can get you differently. You can adopt an obsessive behaviour, and be very productive on a particular thing you decide to focus on, so you focus on nothing else. This is actually a very interesting phase. Thing is, if there is no change, it ends quite fast.

Other phases turn more to isolation or lack of will to live. Not by the strict meaning of it, you just lack vitality. You don’t want to wake up, you don’t want to do anything “what’s the point?” becomes suddenly your life mantra and you intake O2 just to release CO2, and you start feeling guilty to waste breathable air. Normally I just force myself to either open up about it (which annoys, or I think annoys people around me) or I try to move. The weather can be my enemy, and living in Germany challenges this quite a bit. 

I also love to travel, but I couldn’t put it on my expenses lately. But I have to, because I need it. And if I know I need it, and it concerns me, then I don’t have to argue for it. I just have to do it. So I’ll do it.

I also surround myself with the ones that proved to “work on me”. I mean there are people that just know how to be around me and it comforts me. And it is not a rant against the ones that don’t manage it. It is not something that you can “ask for”. And I am glad that I know my personal medication, my people. Because I don’t have to ask, I don’t feel like a burden because I “need something from them”, I just need them to be and it works.

I still feel how I am looked at when I bring mental illness to a discussion. It bothers, it makes people uncomfortable. Because some people still believe that “stop being depressed” is a thing. That we want to be sick. Or that we are to weak to fight our brain. Well, I don’t wish this to no one (because I always think that massive diarrhea is still the best you can wish to an asshole 🙃 ). I will try though to make more photos. Because I miss this therapy too.


Love, T.