I am sorry I don’t post so much. These last couple of weeks/months haven’t been the best so to speak! and the photography love is a bit put aside…
I feel helpless and anxious and i freeze like an animal about to be eaten. I have plenty of “problems” like everyone. I like now to put them out a little, because one thing that I always missed was the understanding what was going on with others.
I always felt that I was doing something wrong that everyone else got it easy and knew what to do whereas I was always trying things with no idea if I was doing it right or wrong until the consequences kicked in. And this made me feel very very bad about myself. Like a failure, a problem. Apparently, growing up I figured that nobody never knows what they do or what they sign up for. Some are lucky enough to be completely happy and satisfied with their choices whilst others are lost. SO what is up with these “everything happens for a reason” I hate this.
And I am going to tell you WHY!
First it implies that someone is playing monopoly with your life, like greek gods in Mount Olympus deciding what fucked up situations you are going to face next. At least in this mythology, people acknowledged how fucked up and nasty the gods where right?! made MORE SENSE that the stars aligning or other deep things I just don’t want to go into. Thing is, I am all for you have your believes unless you force it on me. And this subtle sentence gets me crazy these days because of everything in encodes for! I mean, we have to stop treating ourselves like kids, trying to blind or ease our life into some kind of sensed story.
Can we all agree that is just pile of excrements? We just have to face the horrors that happen in war zones or when a serial killer, or other crimes happen to someone(s). Does it happen for a reason? Why are we so self-centred that we have to find some holly explanation for the bumps we have in life.
I do not condemn that we suffer for things far less hard than a lot of people of the world. The fact that we feel them, as bad or exaggerated as some people think, the way we feel them and how it hurts is still real. And although we might find a reaction or feeling ridiculous, the person that suffers from it, hurts for real. And MAYBE later in life they will see that it was ok, at the moment it was hurting.
But the fact that we want to put harder parts of our life in some divine schematic (for our benefit at the end, because nobody says it all happens for a reason when the outcome is just some more shit!).
Truth is, everything is random.
Just because probabilities are low doesn’t mean it had a holly reason. The fact that some people are born rich others in war is not because you deserve it, it’s just luck, good or bad. The fact that people in your life die, you get sick, or a stone falls in your head is not to fulfil a sick storyline. It’s random. Your strength, comes from overcoming things.
A bad relation was not there for you to fall in the perfect one after. You learned from a mistake and then had the opportunity to make it better with someone else. You can also learn that you are happy alone, or that you don’t want to have kids, or domestic animals, or own a house, or go to the beach for vacations. It is personal taste mixed with experiences from random events that make you, you. You are special, you are worthy and you have to believe that you lean from mistakes and that from all the possibilities of random events that might come and happen, you will find pleasure while living your life.
It is hard, because all of this happens when you are learning. And anxiety can come. Because you can’t control what happens or the way it happens. So, sometimes, people decide that a greater power decides for them, and that it is full of good intentions so at the end all this games will result in your happiness. Or, like me, you let the anxiety kick in and you calculate all the odds, and face the fact that shit might go down and your effort hard work and stuff do not account always for a successful outcome especially when your boss is a moron! With this poetic note I say by lovely people!